Emotions in Motion: How to Help Children Manage Their Feelings

Written By: Arisa Blanco

Emotions can feel like waves – sometimes they crash down unexpectedly, and at other times, they are just gentle swells. When discussing emotions, it’s helpful to frame them as “helpful” or “unhelpful” rather than labeling them as “good” or “bad.” This approach reduces the stigma around certain emotions and encourages children to express and explore all feelings without judgment. Furthermore, teaching children to manage their emotions is a vital skill that supports their overall well-being and personal growth.

In the article "Emotions Come and Go in Waves: We Can Teach Our Children How to Surf Them," the authors highlight eight emotional regulation strategies that can help children cope with their feelings:

1. Avoidance/Escape

Avoidance or escape involves trying to avoid situations or thoughts that trigger negative emotions. Children might engage in behaviors that distract them from confronting uncomfortable feelings, such as avoiding schoolwork, skipping activities, or ignoring difficult conversations. While this strategy provides short-term relief, it doesn’t address the root cause of the emotions and can lead to further emotional distress in the future. Teaching children when avoidance is appropriate (such as in dangerous or overwhelming situations) and when it might hinder their growth is essential for emotional development.

2. Distraction

Distraction involves shifting focus away from distressing thoughts or emotions by engaging in different activities. This could include activities like reading, playing games, or watching TV. Distraction can be particularly helpful in moments of high emotional intensity, giving children time to cool down and regain composure. However, it is important to balance distraction with emotional processing – if used too often, it may prevent children from addressing the underlying causes of their feelings, which can result in unresolved emotional issues.

3. Emotional Support

Seeking emotional support involves turning to others for help in processing emotions. Whether it’s talking to a friend, family member, teacher, or counselor, expressing emotions in a supportive environment can be incredibly helpful. Emotional support offers children a sense of understanding and validation, which can reduce feelings of isolation. It also provides a space for children to gain perspective on their emotional experiences. However, children should be encouraged to seek help when necessary and ensure that the support they receive is constructive and nurturing.

4. Acceptance

Acceptance is the strategy of allowing emotions to exist without judgment or resistance. Instead of trying to push away or suppress negative feelings, children learn to recognize and embrace them as part of the human experience. This approach can reduce the stress associated with trying to "fix" emotions or force them to go away. By practicing mindfulness, children can accept that emotions are temporary and will pass, making it easier for them to experience emotions without becoming overwhelmed. However, acceptance is not about being passive – it’s about acknowledging feelings while still being open to positive actions or changes when necessary.

5. Problem-Solving

Problem-solving is a proactive strategy where children focus on finding solutions to the issues causing emotional distress. This can involve breaking down a problem into smaller, more manageable steps and taking action toward resolving it. Problem-solving empowers children to regain control over their emotional state by addressing the source of their anxiety, frustration, or anger. While this strategy can be highly effective, children should also learn that not every emotional experience has an immediate solution, and sometimes acceptance or other strategies might be more appropriate.

6. Reframing

Reframing, or cognitive reappraisal, is the process of changing how a person views a situation in order to alter its emotional impact. For instance, if a child receives a low grade on a test, instead of viewing it as a failure, they could reframe it as a learning opportunity to improve next time. This shift in perspective helps reduce negative emotions like frustration or self-doubt. Teaching children how to reframe their thoughts empowers them to see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles, building resilience and emotional flexibility.

7. Repetitive Thinking

Repetitive thinking, also known as rumination, is a strategy where children repeatedly dwell on negative thoughts or emotions. While it may initially feel like an attempt to understand or process feelings, repetitive thinking often exacerbates emotional distress and makes it harder to move forward. It’s important to teach children how to recognize when they are getting stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and introduce strategies to break the cycle, such as mindfulness or focusing on positive, grounding thoughts. Encouraging children to redirect their thinking helps prevent them from becoming overwhelmed by unproductive emotional loops.

8. Relaxation Techniques

Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or guided imagery, help children manage physical and emotional stress. These strategies activate the body’s relaxation response, which can reduce the intensity of negative emotions and promote a sense of calm. Regular practice of relaxation techniques can increase emotional resilience, enabling children to better cope with stress in the future. Teaching children to use these techniques in moments of emotional intensity allows them to create a sense of control over their feelings and bodily reactions, helping them stay calm in challenging situations.

Teaching children how to surf the waves of their emotions is an essential skill that can help them build emotional intelligence, resilience, and overall well-being. By providing children with a toolkit of emotional regulation strategies – avoidance/escape, distraction, emotional support, acceptance, problem-solving, reframing, repetitive thinking, and relaxation – we empower them to navigate their emotional experiences with greater ease and confidence. Each strategy serves a unique purpose, and when used appropriately, they can help children thrive emotionally, both at home and in social or educational settings.