Letting Go and Moving On

Written by: Brooke Narragon

Letting go and moving on can be a significant and pivotal point in any relationship that can lead to new opportunities and perspectives. Conversely, people will make efforts to put off and avoid change, just to stay in the familiar. Change can be daunting, unfamiliar, and often chaotic. Especially when it coincides with letting go of relationships we know no longer serve us. What a lot of people don’t realize is change, while uncomfortable at first, often paves the most expedited way forward.

When we find ourselves bumping up against the same ceilings, having the arguments we’ve had a hundred times, and spiraling into reactive practiced patterns, what we actually are beginning to see is gateway to a change. Jung Pueblo, a Buddhist author that has countless dedicated hours of silent meditation called Vipassana, found his own path forward through acceptance and presence both of which have been instrumental in supporting many people. This following quote from his book, “The Way Forward,” illustrates the importance of recognizing when it is time to let go:

It is only heavy because you are deciding over and over again to carry it. Embrace change, loosen up your sense of identity, let yourself walk a new path. You do not have to ignore or erase the past, you just have to wholeheartedly embrace the present and move on.

These things can begin to grow in intensity when we feel stuck in relational patterns that no longer serve us. Fights can become worse. Our bodies can begin to feel sick. Our nervous systems are more activated. Hypervigilance, anxiety, depression can even set in. Fights that are recurring are road maps forward. It is important to pay attention to these symptoms as often they can increase the more we ignore what life is asking us to seriously examine. When we begin to pay attention to what happens in our physical bodies after a terrible fight or if we become quicker at identifying the dread we may feel each day before going to the job we know we need to quit- this gives us information.

And so, what actually IS so scary about change? How do we start to make the actionable steps? It most certainly takes courage to take steps toward a new part of ourselves that we can’t quite see the finished version yet. But approaching change doesn’t have to look like walking across the finish line to our imagined future self! That feels so far away we may avoid the journey all together. It looks like deciding first we are going to create a new equation because we see and accept the old equation no longer works.

Think simple. Start simple. Begin to find stillness each day. This could look like 2 sets of a 4-count box-breath. It could look like a 5 minute walk outside. It could look like a meal mindfully consumed in quiet gratitude without the distraction of devices or putting your face in the first morning light. Looking at what is showing up instead of what we want to show up offers us a powerful vernacular of perspective, acceptance, and gratitude. The more the practice of acceptance is embraced, the more we can remain open to finding a new way home.